I used to be unsettled by Luke 18:1-8; the Parable of the Persistent Widow. I understand that I am to be diligent in prayer but do I really need to pound on God’s door until he finally gives in? And then I learned that Jesus was using this story not to compare God and the unjust judge, but to contrast them. Of course! The judge “neither feared God nor cared what people thought.” The widow had to persist until the guy finally gave in. We, however, have a God who loves us, listens, knows our needs, and will answer. That understanding brought me great relief.
However, I have struggled with the whole concept of praying. I’ve had amazing prayer experiences in my life; I’ve also had very dry periods. I’ve seen miraculous answers; some asked for, some unexpected. I’ve used prayer formulas (A-adoration, C-confession, T-thanksgiving, S-supplication, for instance), and different spiritual disciplines. I’ve whispered, cried, laughed, argued, and yelled. I’ve meditated, sang, and been silent. I’ve questioned whether I’m praying correctly, with enough faith or with childlike faith, and why I don’t pray in “tongues.” I’ve been angry at God for not answering my prayers fast enough or like I asked. I’ve….well, you get the picture. All in all, I’ve really tried to make prayer a part of my life; a continuous conversation with my Father.
One thing I have not been able to figure out though is how to get God to do what I ask! I think that is what bothers me the most about the widow parable; the unjust judge finally gave in and answered the widow’s request and Jesus said that God hears his children crying out to him and won’t keep putting them off. Jesus also said,
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." Jn 14:13-14.
For serious, Jesus? Because I don’t always get that kind of response from ya’ll (which is probably a good thing).
Recently the camp staff was at a Christian camp conference at a camp on the shores of Lake Erie. The day was so beautiful (sunshine!) that I went for a walk on the beach. I just talked to God while I walked. Then I noticed the stones on the beach; black stones that were eroded by the water. I picked up one that fit perfectly into my palm. I would keep it in my pocket as a “prayer stone.” Then I noticed the smaller and smaller stones which eroded away to nothing but sand.
That erosion process stuck with me. As I look back on my prayer pilgrimage, especially the more critical portions of the road I traveled, I see something quite interesting. Even though I was not, and am still not, able to change God’s mind regarding my prayer requests, I myself have changed over the journey. Surprise—the ebb and flow of my prayer life has gently eroded me.
No amount of pounding on God’s door, or eloquently worded grant requests, or an enormous boost on my faith gauge will erode God. But all the time spent in conversation with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has most definitely eroded me.
I am a better listener. I am okay with silence. I can trust that I do not need to say a word; God knows best what is on my heart. I have a better understanding of allowing God to teach me what to pray, especially when I am at a loss for words. I am much more conversational with God, preferring to speak to him as I work rather than just at specific devotional times during the day.
And I am okay with knowing that God has shaped me, worn me away, so that I more easily fit into the palm of his hand. The image below also reminds me that larger stones sit on top of the sand, but the individual grains combine to become a beach. See I will always be in the process of being worn down; quite frankly God just will not leave me alone. You either. And that’s a beautiful thought. Just as I gently rub the stone in my pocket as I pray, God gently caresses me as we converse. I, and my prayers, are changed by that divine touch.For serious Jesus? Because I always want that kind of response from ya'll.
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