You're wearing me down God!

     I used to be unsettled by Luke 18:1-8; the Parable of the Persistent Widow.  I understand that I am to be diligent in prayer but do I really need to pound on God’s door until he finally gives in? And then I learned that Jesus was using this story not to compare God and the unjust judge, but to contrast them. Of course! The judge “neither feared God nor cared what people thought.” The widow had to persist until the guy finally gave in. We, however, have a God who loves us, listens, knows our needs, and will answer. That understanding brought me great relief.

     However, I have struggled with the whole concept of praying. I’ve had amazing prayer experiences in my life; I’ve also had very dry periods. I’ve seen miraculous answers; some asked for, some unexpected. I’ve used prayer formulas (A-adoration, C-confession, T-thanksgiving, S-supplication, for instance), and different spiritual disciplines. I’ve whispered, cried, laughed, argued, and yelled. I’ve meditated, sang, and been silent. I’ve questioned whether I’m praying correctly, with enough faith or with childlike faith, and why I don’t pray in “tongues.” I’ve been angry at God for not answering my prayers fast enough or like I asked. I’ve….well, you get the picture. All in all, I’ve really tried to make prayer a part of my life; a continuous conversation with my Father.

     One thing I have not been able to figure out though is how to get God to do what I ask! I think that is what bothers me the most about the widow parable; the unjust judge finally gave in and answered the widow’s request and Jesus said that God hears his children crying out to him and won’t keep putting them off. Jesus also said,  

"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." Jn 14:13-14.

For serious, Jesus? Because I don’t always get that kind of response from ya’ll (which is probably a good thing).

     Recently the camp staff was at a Christian camp conference at a camp on the shores of Lake Erie. The day was so beautiful (sunshine!) that I went for a walk on the beach. I just talked to God while I walked. Then I noticed the stones on the beach; black stones that were eroded by the water. I picked up one that fit perfectly into my palm. I would keep it in my pocket as a “prayer stone.” Then I noticed the smaller and smaller stones which eroded away to nothing but sand.

     That erosion process stuck with me. As I look back on my prayer pilgrimage, especially the more critical portions of the road I traveled, I see something quite interesting. Even though I was not, and am still not, able to change God’s mind regarding my prayer requests, I myself have changed over the journey. Surprise—the ebb and flow of my prayer life has gently eroded me.

     No amount of pounding on God’s door, or eloquently worded grant requests, or an enormous boost on my faith gauge will erode God. But all the time spent in conversation with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has most definitely eroded me.

     I am a better listener. I am okay with silence. I can trust that I do not need to say a word; God knows best what is on my heart. I have a better understanding of allowing God to teach me what to pray, especially when I am at a loss for words. I am much more conversational with God, preferring to speak to him as I work rather than just at specific devotional times during the day.

     And I am okay with knowing that God has shaped me, worn me away, so that I more easily fit into the palm of his hand. The image below also reminds me that larger stones sit on top of the sand, but the individual grains combine to become a beach. See I will always be in the process of being worn down; quite frankly God just will not leave me alone. You either. And that’s a beautiful thought. Just as I gently rub the stone in my pocket as I pray, God gently caresses me as we converse. I, and my prayers, are changed by that divine touch.

For serious Jesus? Because I always want that kind of response from ya'll.

Strategic Waiting

This is from my journal on February 2010 but it really jumped out at me today as I prepare to share the new vision and logo with the delegates and pastors of Ohio Conference of the Mennonite Church at the annual assembly this weekend.

     Earlier this week I took a prayer walk around the edges of the field adjacent to our yard, which was quite a workout in the deep snow! My prayer focused on the vision; over the last few months there was such a flurry of activity regarding the vision but the whole process seemed to shift into low gear. I am rather lost as to the next steps that need to be taken. At one point on the walk, in the far corner of the field, I stopped and drew a large circle in front of me in the knee deep drift. I told God, “That represents the vision—Freely Proclaiming the Radical Hope of Jesus Christ to the Next Generation!” Then I looked out over the pristine cover of snow over several acres of field. “And that, God, represents the future—I don’t know where to step next. I don’t want to sully the untouched beauty of potential.”

     As I stood in the snow I had to make a decision about getting home; I could not just stand there in the cold but I did not want to retrace my steps. So I just started walking, plowing new steps, knowing I was headed in the right direction. When the snow got too deep, I shifted my route. Since it was blindingly white, I kept looking up to orient myself to my house, which meant adjusting my path. And I eventually arrived at my warm house.

     “If we were talking about good ideas, that would be different. Good ideas are limited to our potential, connections, and resources. If you are simply pursuing a good idea, then you need to devote a great deal of time and energy trying to figure out how to pull it off. A divine vision, on the other hand, is limited only by God’s potential and resources. That means anything is possible. If it is just a good idea, you have to make it happen. When God gives you a vision, there’s a sense in which you stand back and watch it happen.

      The challenge is that sometimes you have to stand back for a long time. Since we never know exactly when or how God is going to intervene, it is imperative that we remain vision focused. We must focus on what he has called us to do, not on how he is going to pull it off.

       Staying vision focused keeps us God-focused. The vision is a reminder of our dependency. We remain aware that if God doesn’t do something, there is no going forward. For that reason, people with vision live with a sense of expectancy. They look for God to do something. They live by faith in the truest sense of the word. That is, they are living as if God is going to do what they believe he has promised to do.

       In light of a divine vision, our daily faithfulness takes on new significance. It is no longer faithfulness for faithfulness’ sake. There is something important at stake. If the visionary doesn’t act, something significant won’t get done. Believers with vision live with the knowledge that how may come about independently from their planning. But it will not come about apart from their faithfulness. Faithfulness is critical to success.[1]

     Let’s keep faithfully praying about the camp’s vision and walking in His light. Our faithful walking does not sully the untouched beauty of potential; rather it requires us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus so that we orient ourselves to His awesome plans for this camp!

Visit www.campluz.com for more information on the Camp Luz vision.

---

                [1] Andy Stanley, Visioneering: God’s Blueprint for Developing a Maintaining Vision (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 1999), 57-58.